Valentines Day 2018 + Advice on Long Distance Relationships ❣️
Let me start this post off my saying this: 🗣 LONG DISTANCE IS HARD. It is one of the most difficult things I have had to deal with; however visiting my boyfriend, Mic, about once a month gets us through the tough times. Just imagine being around someone you love almost every single day, spending the weekends together, going to the mall, seeing movies together all of the time. Then all of a sudden, you only see them a weekend a month. Can you imagine how tough that is? Well this has been my reality for about 3 years now.
Mic and I have been dating since December 2012. We were friends for a long time before then so we would often hang out after school almost every day. From December 2012 to October 2014 we were around each other every chance we got: school, weekends, whenever. When graduation came we planned to go to the same college in Atlanta, Georgia. However, life was like "nah".
The school we were planning to attend is a non-traditional art school. It operates in quarters vs. semesters so we decided to attend the fall quarter in October 2014. So from May to October we were spending so much time together. We made plans for the future, moving in and all. Around August I went to finalize some minor details and then boom, stuff happened and it was apparent that I would not be able to attend that school. I was crushed. I cried a lot, he was sad but long story short, we decided to go to separate schools and here we are today.
For Valentine's Day weekend this year we planned for me to come to ATL to spend the weekend with him. At my school, I have to share an apartment with 5 other girls so I'd rather be there than here, for sure. Instead of me going down there on the 15th like we agreed, I chose to surprise him and go the day of Valentine's Day. We both have been having crazy work schedules and barely being able to talk so I knew it would've been a dope surprise. It was my first time driving there alone and let me tell you, my anxiety was through the roof. But that's another post that's coming soon. Now when I say this boy works A LOT, I'm not exaggerating. Of course the day I surprised him he had to work. I tried talking him into taking the day off for about a week before my visit but the boy is about his money.
So between his classes and work, we weren't able to spend a full day together until Saturday. So we woke up super early, had breakfast (shout out to his roommate), and went shopping. We planned to go see Black Panther with some of his friends that night and they wanted to get dressed up for the occasion, so I was on a mission to find an outfit for the night. We were able to drag his roommate (Hakeem) out with us, (the boy literally never goes out; it's like pulling teeth getting him to go somewhere) and it was just a really fun time. I was able to find a super cute jumpsuit, we ate at this bomb restaurant called Fresh 2 Order (I like trying new places whenever I can because my city sucks and I feel like I eat the same stuff all the time), and made it back home in time to get ready before going to see Black Panther (aka the best movie I have ever seen in my life, ever.) It was a dope night and I was able to hang out and get to know Mic's friends like he does with mine.
Sunday, I was torn between just spending quality time together at home and going shopping again because I wanted to look for a few more items before I had to come back home. After feeling the vibe, I figured it was best to stay home and just chill; I even got Mic hooked on Insecure (this was my third time binge-watching it and I have no regrets). We spent the entire day at home, just watching TV and enjoying each other's company; then we ended up going to The Cheesecake Factory for dinner, That's one thing I can't leave Atlanta without doing. When I started packing my stuff to leave the next morning, I started to get sad (per usual), I looked at Mic and said, "yo why did we do this?" Of course I was joking, and we both started laughing but seriously, why did we do this?! It's not like we knew when we started dating that we would have to be long distance but geeeeeeez.
Being long distance has it's pros and it cons. Pros: you enjoy the time you spend with them when you do see them, it helps you build a strong relationship, it builds communication skills between you and your partner. Now, the cons I can go on all day but I won't. Just know that is it more tough than it is easy. If you are experiencing or even considering a long distance relationship, here are some tips that may be helpful for you and your partner to continue to grow.
1.) Communication is key.
Talk about everything. Whether it's good or bad, you need to be sure that there is a clear line of communication there. Talk about your day, talk about new things you've learned, talk about your goals, your future together, anything. So many minor problems can be resolved when you just sit there and talk it out. Your significant other HAS to know what you are feeling if there is anything going on that you don't like. How can you expect a solution if there is no knowledge of a problem? Be clear, concise, and as honest as you can; that way there won't be any confusion when trying to work something out. And just as communication, you have to be able to listen to what they are saying.
2.) Be spontaneous.
Always be down to go on new adventures and try new things and places with your significant other. Try new restaurants, go dancing, go clubbing or something. If that's not your scene, then plan a picnic or go to an art museum. Just try to do something out of the norm. I promise you it makes for great conversations and a lifetime of memories. Also, don't expect your significant other to do all of the planning, sometimes it's okay for you to surprise them and do something that they would enjoy.
3.) Honesty, honesty, honesty.
Be honest no matter what. Honesty is the backbone to relationships and it is the builder of trust. If there is ever anything you want your significant other to do differently, or something they do that you don’t like, do not be afraid to tell them. That way you can work on it and continue to carry on a healthy relationship.
4.) Small details matter.
Your friends, your job, new purchases; they all matter. I cannot count how many times I've asked Mic about new clothes he purchased or something. It's just keeping your partner in the loop by making sure they know things they would know if you were physically together. Also, talk about friends that you've met while you're apart so whenever your partner visits, it's not so awkward if you all are hanging out. The very first time Mic met my girls from my sisterhood post, they were already calling him their brother because of how much I would talk about him to them or vice versa. He had a feel for all of their personalities and was able to fit right in.
5.) Schedule visits.
Always try to see each other whenever possible. Mic and I aim for once a month. Sometimes it's less, sometimes it's more but we always try. We both are in school and work pretty extensive hours but we always try. Whether it's me going there or him coming here, sometimes it really doesn't matter. I really don't like when he comes here because of my school's regulations and all of the people in my house but when it's more convenient for him to come here, of course I'll take that over nothing.
6.) Make your significant other a top priority.
Pretty self explanatory. You do not have to make every second of every day about your partner, however you should make sure that at the end of the day you're making sure that you talk to them about you guy's day, making sure they're content with how things are going. You don't want to put everything else before them and end up making them feel like they come last when it comes to your every day life. Don't let your relationship fall to the wayside.
7.) Maintain a friendship with your significant other.
This is probably the main reason why Mic and I work so well. He is literally the best friend I have. I am in love with his personality, his jokes, we literally laugh all day. We started off as really close friends and it blossomed into what we have now. Personally, I feel that friendship is the base of any relationship. We make sure to maintain our friendship before anything else. I always ask his opinion on EVERYTHING, whether he cares or not. My nail color, my next hairstyle, outfits, blog ideas, I always ask for his opinion. With him it's business ideas, his outfits, stuff with his job, whatever. He also love cracking jokes on each other. He is probably responsible for the majority of my witty responses. You have to be quick going toe-to-toe with that fool.
If you're in a position where you may be considering being in a long distance relationship, don't let the thought scare you. I promise you, if you're with the right person it will all be worth it. It is not as hard as people make it out to be. Mic and I have been long distance for the majority of our relationship but we don't let it affect us. If you feel like it's impossible for you and your partner to carry out a successful long distance relationship, they may not be the right person for you. There was never a moment where I wanted to let go of my relationship, no matter how rough the distance made it. It is the most healthy, honest, and loving relationship I have seen in a long time. People often ask negative things like, "well how do you know he's not out here cheating on you," or some nonsense like that, *insert eye roll here*, you don't but that's where the honesty and trust comes along. There is never a moment where I am skeptical of what he's doing and if I ever find out he's doing dirt, I'll hurt him. Haha. But seriously, you can't be in a relationship and constantly think your partner is cheating. It's gonna mess with your head and your relationship will suffer as well. Long distance is hard but it's not impossible. Have you ever tried a long distance relationship? How did it work for you? Let me know in the comment section below, also if you have any questions that I didn't touch base on in this post, don't hesitate to ask via the comment section, twitter, or instagram!